Ways to Cultivate Exquisite Empathy
Exquisite empathy isn’t an innate superpower you either have or don’t have. It’s a skill you can practice and develop over time. Like any part of our clinical toolkit, it gets sharper with use. Here are a few ways to start:
1. Check in with yourself regularly. Make it a habit to pause and notice what’s going on inside you. What are you feeling right now? Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders tense? Are you holding your breath? Physical cues often show up before our conscious minds catch on. Take 30 seconds to stop, take a grounding breath, and ask yourself, “What do I need in this moment?” Maybe it’s a quick stretch, a sip of water, or a reminder that it’s OK to experience whatever emotion you’re experiencing. These small check-ins help anchor you so you can show up for others without losing yourself.
2. Use mindful language. The words we choose shape how we experience emotions. In moments of grief or distress, practice language that acknowledges others’ pain without merging it with your own. Instead of saying, “I feel your pain,” try, “I can see how much you love her and how hard this is for you.” Or, “I’m here with you through this.” These phrases communicate empathy and presence, while maintaining a healthy emotional boundary. Also, notice your internal dialogue. When you think, “This is unbearable,” gently reframe it as, “This is a hard moment, and I can get through it.”
3. Normalize boundaries as a form of compassion. Setting limits on your emotional availability is self-care. Take time to reflect on where your boundaries need attention—not just emotionally, but logistically. Are you answering client emails at 9pm while sitting on your couch? Are you skipping breaks because it’s just one more thing to schedule in? Give yourself permission to reset and make changes to protect the balance you need.
4. Lean on peer support. Talking through tough cases with trusted colleagues is one of the most effective ways to process feelings and restore perspective. Peer support isn’t just venting—it’s a tool for learning, making meaning, finding patterns, and letting go of what you don’t need to carry. Whether it’s an informal check-in after a difficult appointment, a standing weekly debrief with your team, or even a text thread with a few supportive vet friends, try to build these outlets into your workflow.
5. Recognize what’s yours to hold and what’s not. One of the most important skills in exquisite empathy is learning to discern which emotions belong to you and which belong to others. You can witness someone’s grief, acknowledge their suffering, and honor the weight of a loss without making it your own to carry. Try using a mental phrase like, “This is their heartbreak to hold. I can walk alongside them without carrying it for them.” And when it comes to outcomes, anchor your sense of success in what’s within your control: the clarity of your communication, the compassion of your care, the integrity of your clinical decisions, rather than the unpredictable outcomes of illness or grief.
Over time, that emotional exposure can lead to compassion fatigue the cumulative physical, emotional, and psychological toll of caring for others in distress. It tends to show up gradually, like a slow leak. You might notice you’re a little more irritable, exhausted, or more numb than usual. Maybe you dread certain appointments or find yourself emotionally distancing as a survival strategy. These are normal human responses, and they’re signals that we need to protect our emotional wellbeing. One of the best ways to do that isn’t by caring less, but by caring differently. That’s where exquisite empathy comes in. It’s a term that originated in fields like trauma therapy and palliative care, and its wisdom translates to veterinary medicine, too. Exquisite empathy is about cultivating a kind of empathy that’s both deeply compassionate and thoughtfully boundaried. It means showing up with an open heart, while staying grounded in your own sense of self.
